WTF

Fucking DCist. In terms of thier food reviews, more like VAssholiolio-ist.Raised in MD, I have a strong abiding hatred of all things VA.Therefore, the fact that the DCist's food people continually review restaurants in VA, where I dare not ventrue, pisses me off.
What am I going to do? Hop on the red line and change trains just to get to brunch? Please. Granted the ride home wouldn't be so bad cause I'd be drunk, but Pleazzze.
I understand Ruthie B. has been and dinned there against my wishes and advisement and she has suffered for it.
Now DCist has gone and done brunch in VA. VA is not DC. Not even close. Its miles and miles and many republicans away.
I promise, nay I vow that Ruthie B. and I will step up the reporting skillz. We will work hard to bring you unedited (and i mean unedited, can we have a volunteer to edit our pieces?) critiques of our experiences brunching and munching around DC*, not V-Fucking-A.
We will spend our hard earned dollars, suffering through or enjoying our eggs benedicts, huevos ranchers, bloody marys, mimosas, home fries, hamburgers, and crappy coffee, cause when we started this blog we had a dream.
A dream to hit virtually every brunch spot in DC that passed its health inspections, as well as some that didn't. A dream to bring you pictures and recipies, possibly even interviews with staff and owners. And damnit i'm not going to let this dream fizzle so easily.

Oh Shit Shit

Dcist pointed out to me that a new restuarant is opening up in my neighborhood. It's call LIA'S and is owned by Chef Geoff. And guess what... they serve brunch baby!
To bad I am going to be out of town this weekend at a sunny beach on the golf coast, but I deffinately plan on hitting that up as soon as possible.
Literally, I'm getting goose bumps.

When Brunch gets Bloody

Today is Tweaks' birthday. Happy Birthday Tweaks. This past weekend she let us all celebrate her cumpleanos with her. It was a bloody good time. I mean literally. We had some super-spicy homemade bloody-marys and Tweaks managed to bite lots of people on the neck, but not me.

Waking up Hungover to Fuck

I find it truly amazing that I can force my eyes open on a SATURDAY morning at 8am after drinking till 2:30am the night before and falling asleep at 3am. What force on this earth would pry me from my bed you ask? A fire? An earth quake? Zombies (which are a very real and reoccuring fear of mine)?
Nay. My passion for brunch and more importantly my love of cooking and need to impress my friends is what. I can't even get my sorry ass out of bed to do a twenty minute run before work these days, but i seem more than willing to wake up half drunk and play with fire (and a little bit of vomit.)
I began the morning by stumbling into the kitchen without pants on to start the coffee and pop open a club soda. Yes, club soda is my new love. It has replaced my old love so thouroughly I can't even remember what my old love was.
(PS- just looked back at the title. please dont get the wrong idea, i wasn't waking up in order to fuck hungover-ly, i consider "hungover to fuck" to be an adjective in and of itself. If I ever get laid, at this point, I am faily sure it's a sign of the coming apocalypse. Read my blog daily for updates/ warnings)
Right, huh, ok. Making coffee drinking club soda I sit down and look around and decide to come up with a POA (plan of attack.) Upon hearing stirring noises upstairs I decide part one is to put some pants on.
Part two is then to make the frittata, or at least prep for it.
Part three is to watch tv for thirty minutes and collect myself.
Part four is to put on my "the rock" tee shirt and jeans and run to the store for a few more things i forgot. "The Rock" Tee-shirt is far and away the best item of clothing anyone will ever own. I bought it for my friend who somehow earned the name "the rock" senior year of college. Well just among me, her, and my boyfriend at the time. I'm not really sure how it came about, but it was in reference to the wrestler/actor/singer? So shopping one day in a thirft store in edinburgh, I happen across this tee shirt. It's black with lots of graphics on it inclulding a picture of the man, the legend, the god, himself. I bought it and planned to give it to her, but now i just wear it around myself cause its too cool. I cut it up a bit so i look like a midwestern hard core rocker from the early ninties (wayne's world stylee.)
Part five is to return from the store to let robyn in, who is in charge of decorations, and continue with the cooking.
Part six is to change into my sailor outfit and then flip out about weather or not to lay the food on the table now or later.
Part seven is to yell suprise and then eat drink and be merry. Member Dave Mathews had that song and like everyone's senior yeark book quote was tha lyric from it, along the lines of "eat, drink, and be merry we will," or something like that?
Part eight is to do a half asses job cleaning and then start playing beer die.
Part nine is to get in a can fight.
Part ten is to play soccer in the rain.
Part eleven is to yell "dance party" whenever people are walking by the house and we all stand along the porch and start dancing furiously.
Part twelve is desperately wanting to pass out, but realizing you have an amazing show to go to that night.
Part thirteen is convincing birthday girl Maura and her boy J-rod to first go to dinner on U st. at sala thai and then to the show with you.
Part fourteen is rocking out to a majorly good show.
Part fifteen is getting a cab home. While I was in the cab I looked down at my phone and saw metro was still open. I also noticed he was going a round baout way to get to my pad and would probably over charge me. At this point I pretended to answer my phone which was on vibrate in my hand. Here's how the convo went:
Me in back seat of cab looking out window speaking into phone: "Hey"
Silence
"In a cab headed home."
Silence
"Your where?"
Silence
"Your where? I can't hear you."
Silcence, but putting finger over other ear so as to block out "other noise"
"What's the address?"
Silence
"Cool, yeah I'll be there."
Leaning forward to cab driver. "actually sir, can you just drop me off at Woodley park? I'm meeting some friends right around there." I proceed to pay the man $8 and hop out of the cab, thinking, "i'm super clever.."
I take the metro home and eat the left over frittata.

A Frittata, Some Smoked Salmon, and Mimosas

Lovely and devoted friends that we are, Ruthie B. and I decided to throw a surprise brunch for a dear friend of ours this past Saturday. Ruthie B. was in charge of the cake and I the menu.
Here is my experience:
I was working out at the gym, scanning a recent Bon Appetite (one of the best food periodicals out there I would argue, with a website to match http://www.epicurious.com/) when I saw a recipe for a Prosciutto, Shitake, Fontina Frittata. I had originally planned on making a quiche, but this recipe made me change my mind. Quiches are tricky and very fattening what with the heavy cream and pastry shell and all. I decided this fritatta would be much more appreciated. I also planned to make a smoked salmon pizza, which entailed pizza topped with lemon dill sour cream and smoked salmon. I would serve all this with biscuits of the Pillsbury variety and fruit salad.
Now I will confess something. I am not a baker. I hate baking in fact, hence I put Ruthie B. in charge of cake. Baking to me is like chemistry, the measurements need to be too exact. I don't have the patience to use measuring utensils, I like to eyeball what I chuck into a recipe and rely on my taste buds to make improvement. As such, I thought I would buy some pre made pizza dough for the occasion. So Friday after work, I am at whole foods looking for some. Impossible. They only had this pre made pizza crust that was herb and cheese flavored. I couldn't imagine this going very well with smoked salmon. I decided to just serve the smoked salmon with diced red onion, capers, french bread, and the lemon dill sour cream.
The frittata was incredibly easy to make and turned out really well. I won't go into detail about the process, you can basically look it up online. If i ever have to be slightly drunk trying to cook brunch again, this is definitely a new "go to" recipe. Everyone seemed impressed by the sour cream, when all it was was a bit of lemon juice, lemon zest, chopped dill, and pepper. None-the-less I was happy to bask in the glory of their compliments. The biscuits got a bit burned but were edible. The fruit salad was store bought and essential as we had the brunch on my front porch and it ended up being one of the hottest days this summer. Nothing like a nice fruit salad to cool you down.
All in all the brunch was a success. For the next one I plan to make huevos rancheros, I just need someone I like to have a birthday and a passion for brunching.

The Mclean Family Restaurant

So this past weekend, my darling friend Mo invited me for a weekend of wholesome fun in the sweet suburban land of lovers. Most of you by now can probably tell that I am a bit DC-centric, and may be shocked when I took up this offer. I happily accepted of healthy eating, dog walking and trees and grass, drinking and no need to drive. I actually really like Mclean. I am not sure if like is the correct word for it, I am in awe of this place, were town parades are almost a weekly event, Santa rides around on a fire engine during the holiday season and DC politicos ride around in their red convertables with the top down. Mclean is a parallel universe that gives even the most jaded of its visitors an elementary school innocence.

So that I might enjoy my suburban bliss to the fullest, I requested, actually flat out begged, to go to the Mclean Family Restaurant for brunch on Sunday. It was just what I wanted, down to the undrinkable bloody mary. To get a clear view of the Mclean Family Restaurant ("MFR") picture yourself in a strip mall, not like a mid-western one with a wal-mart and a dollar store, but a NOVA strip mall, with a wine shop, espresso bar, marvelous market and an cute little shop that sells all of the latest Nantucket imports, so essentially every sub-urbans volvo driving soccer mom's wet dream. Okay, back to the MFR. So on the outside of the crystal-etched, cloudy-glass, gold-trimmed door is a line of people dreaming of the plate they will be promptly served in a short matter of time.

Mo and I arrived before the rest of our party, stood in line, discussed the local theater's most recent production of the King and I. After a few short minutes, we were seated. This was amazing to me, they seated us without our entire party being there, and as a former DC hostess, I know this is not kosher in town. Already I am excited. Though we were definately hungry, being seated early allowed us to consume numerous cups of delicious coffee. Seriously the coffee was delicious. I am not sure if this was because half & half is a treat for me or it was the oh-so-retro-without-trying-to-be-mugs, but the bus boys kepts coming by and I just couldn't say no.

The decor was quite interesting, kitchsy with lots of fake plants, a greekish murals, which made all the more sense when Mo informed me that the family of the MFR were actually greek. However it was not the walls I was scoping it was the clientele. So this is clearly the where the whose-who of the post-Sunday church crowd goes to be seen and eat their pancakes. I was surrounded by a number of gray hairs, floral dresses and sunday bests. And lots of hung-over looking preppy high-schoolers that drank too much Captian Morgans last night. I also was pleasantly distracted by the Wimbeldon finals which I could see from my seat(I am so proud of Nadal, who knew he was so good on grass!)

Once the rest of our party(who also happened to be MFR vets) joined us we ordered up some delicious grub. The service was probably the best I have had in a while, which is pretty easy considering the inability of all waiters to do their job in this city. I got an omlette with Spinach and Feta. One of the greatest things about the meal was when I said I didn't want potatoes or grits they offer you sliced tomatoe, that rulz. The tomatoe was almost decent too. My omlette was good, not great, just enough food, my appetite had wanned from the excessive coffee. They didn't bring me toast , which was fine, as I stole a piece from Courtney.

Oh and the beverage. I was shocked to learn that they served booze there, so naturally I order what was probably the most foul bloody mary I have ever been in the company of. It was essentially watered down tomotoe juice, a few sprinkles of pepper and the most dirt cheap vodka around. It was perfect, undrinkable and just what was necessary for the MFR. It is like I was repremanded for my audacious-ness of thinking of drinking an alcoholic beverage on Sunday morning. Apparently my vulgarity is not welcome in the suburbs. Though it is not an experience I plan on repeating with any sort of regularity, nor has my dc-centrist heart crossed the potomac, if I ever get an urge to I do, to find some authentic kistch that hasnt been perverted by hipster indifference I am headed straight to Mclean, VA and a little restaurant called the MFR.

A Quick Tasty Brunch for Those on a Budget

What you need: A small pan
1 Veggie Burger
1 Egg
a few slices of cheese (I like pepper jack)
Mustard
Ketchup

Sautee your veggie burger in the pan over medium heat with olive oil (EVOO if you watch Rachel Ray and Worship Satan). Place Veggie Burger on plate. Place cheese ontop of veggie burger. Crack egg in to pan. You may need to add a bit more oil to the pan at this point. Veggie burgers tend to soak up all that yummy oil. Fry egg to your desire. I like mine runny in the middle. Place egg ontop of cheese, ontop of veggie burger. Top with desired amount of mustard and ketchup. Enjoy!
Variations on this recipie involve adding any combination of the following: Sauteed onions, bread, avocado, slasa, beans, something green, and you can use your imagination.
Along with a cup of coffee, its one well rounded breakfast.

Brunchin and Munchin on the Fourth

I've heard alot about Luna Grill in Dupont, so Tuesday morning, when I was meeting my friend for brunch, I suggested we go. It is a dinner/ cosi kinda place around the instersection of 18th and Connecticut I think. So Megnolia and I walk in and ask for a table for three, as Ruthie B was meant to be joining us.
After a five minute wait, we are placed in a sweet booth by the front window. It is far and away one of the best seats I've ever had for any voyeristic event. The tourists were out in force because of the holiday and they did not dissapoint. One family walked by wearing a uniform of long basketball shorts and oversized t-shirts featuring college basketball teams of the midwest. They were my favorite group to pass by us that day, not because they lived up to every idea I have about tourists to DC from the midwest, but because the father had two, not one, but two American Flags stuck in his baseball cap.
Back to the brunch. Due to some confusion, the waiter did not take our order for some time. He clearly tought we were waiting for our third to arrive before ordering, and took my head nods and smiles in his direction to be mere flirtations *awkward*. Finally, we explain to him we'd like to go ahead and order. The plan was to split the Alpine Burger and some Fruit, Yogurt and Granola. I also asked for a water, a bloody, and a coffee. Megnolia asked for iced tea.
Five minutes later our waiter returns to the table to inform us, they are out of fruit. Upon furhter questioning, we discovered they weren't out of fruit, just melon. We explained that we'd like the granola, yogurt and whatever fruit they had anyway. After another five minutes, he returns to let us know they are out of yogurt. Hrrrmm.....Also still no drinks. They were busy that morning, so the poor service cannot be blamed on the staffing. We ended up substituting in an avocado salad.
All in all, the food was good, the service was slow as hell, and our waiter was a bit creepy. I will say this. The bloody was good, very good. No horseraddish, but very spicy. Not alot of fixins, it was one of the purest bloodys I've ever had. They even put that spice around the rim that I love so much yet still dont know what it is. I also liked the place alot. Maybe it was the holiday, or the tourists outside, it was just one of thoses places that make you love DC inspite of its shortcomings.

On the Tweaks Scale of Brunchability: ****/*****

That's four out of five stars. Here are some other ratings to help you get your balance

Bus Boys n Poets on a good bloody day 5, otherwise 3.5

St. Ex- 4.5 (would be a five but for the shitty bloodys)

Open City- 4.75 (food can be lacking)

Polly's - 2.5